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Saturday, October 27, 2012

Borrowed these questions from another blogger, this kind of thing goes the rounds from time to time.  I believe you are supposed to stick to one-word answers, but I am disregarding that.

Have you ever...

Been pulled over?
yes, I was driving behind a very slow car that appeared to be full of old folks going on holiday, so I overtook it by crossing the double white line on a bend -  dangerous.  Turned out the car was really full of policemen, and it later caught up with me.

Dyed your hair?

Pulled an all-nighter?
Talking with a friend, yes

Baked a cake?

Fallen down in public?
Yes, tangled up with my bike a few days ago.  A considerate passer-by lifted my bike off me so I could get to my feet again.

Been caught making out?
You mean fucking? yes.  By a cop? yes. Had I been that cop I had just kept quiet and watched, it was pretty dark at the time.  I think he was a newbie and too concerned with doing his duty.

Taken a pregnancy test?
Not this time round

Broken a bone?

Had braces?
Those things that hold up your trousers? yes.  For my teeth? No

Gone skinny dipping?
yes.  Local pool had clothes-optional nights.

Built something out of wood?
Many things - boats mainly, but furniture, harpsichords, guitars, other musical instruments.

Been to Disneyland?

Eaten a Krispy Kreme donut?
Don't know what that is, but I guess not

Screamed during a scary movie?
No.  I never watch such stuff now.  I hate suspense.  My mother took me to some pantomime when I was little and I was scared, she had to take me out.  I never stay in a movie if I don't like it, no matter how much the ticket cost.

Showered with someone of the opposite sex?
yes, she gave off female electricity, soft and insidious.

Been to a professional sporting event?
County cricket, does that count?  Dead boring.

Slept till noon?
Only when sick.  I dislike sleeping late.

Been arrested?

Opened Christmas presents early?
no, but actually I am the kind of sly person who might do that - and then wrap them up again so hopefully no-one would know.

Played Scrabble?
yes. World's most boring game.

Rolled down a hill?
yes, unintentionally while sledging

Toilet papered someone's house?

Laughed so hard you cried?

Burned yourself with a curling iron?
I have never thought of using one.  Nowadays it's not male fashion.

Been hit on by someone too young?
I wish. Teenage girls are yummy.  None is too young for me, if she is interested.  Though in fact a young but fat girl, about seventeen I guess, serving in Max's vegetable store did say to me the other day, quietly in my ear, "I need someone like you!" But later tried to retract that.

Gotten seasick?

Eaten food that fell on the floor?
Got to eat a peck of dirt before you die, I was told when young.  I'm not fastidious with food.

Given a hickey?

Shared a sucker with your dog?
I love my dogs, but no

Been in an accident?
yes, but not serious.

Had chickenpox?
yes. At boarding school and it was quite fun

Shopped at Home Depot?
What's Home Depot?  (All right, I can guess.)

Spied on your neighbors?
yes but they don't seem to get up to anything interesting, from what I have seen so far.  Living in hope.

Plucked your eyebrows?

Ridden in a limo?

Had a pet fish?
yes, many.  We had some pretty Koi but Rose was given a fish found in the river and she put it in the pond with them, where it killed all our other fish and then laid thousands of predator eggs, we still haven't recovered.

Lied about your age?
Don't think so.

Bought something at a yard sale?
Yard sale?  Don't know that term, but I have bought stuff at sales to raise cash for some good cause.

Fired a gun?
Am a crack shot with a rifle, one of the few things I can do well, but useless unfortunately.  Or perhaps it's just fortunate I never had to use the skill in desperate circumstances.  I could be a sniper in the service of some anxious dictator, I suppose.

Been drunk?
A little, but not seriously

Had a cavity?
too many

Been ice skating?

Handed out candy to trick-or-treaters?
No, no one has ever asked me.

Been in the hospital?
yes. hernia repair.

Made a prank call?
No, boring idea.

Been sick on your birthday?
don't think so

Gotten a tattoo?
No but I do like them on women, if I was a female I probably would.

Had food come out your nose?
Sneezed with a mouth full, I seem to remember

Gone out without underwear?
I think so;  and I have walked the streets dressed only in underpants on a very hot summer's day.

Had a massage?
Not a professional one, otherwise yes.  In fact I took a massage course years ago, that was my first experience of putting my hands on a female body without further expectations.  I was struck by the hissing sound of my hands sliding firmly over her back - kind of electrical.  Every female body has a unique feel, I discovered.

Locked your keys in the car?
Probably, it's the kind of thing I would do

Ridden a horse?
yes but didn't take to horses.

Been lost?
yes, when I was a little boy.  Having recovered me, my mother told me to pray in such cases, but I have since learned that that is just wishful thinking.  My mother was like that, and it did her no good. Much better to keep your eyes open, look around carefully, make a plan and avoid panic.

Held a $100 bill?
It so happens that my answer is yes, but it's not my usual currency

Been to Europe?
yes.  Grew up there.  But not there now.

Built a fire?
Many times

Slept Naked?
Always do

Been skydiving?

Hogged the covers on purpose?
Not on purpose, no

Played golf?
I tried - borrowed my tutor's golf clubs and succeeded in putting a ball through a window in the girls' blocks.  The ball travels amazingly far and fast if you happen to hit it right, which is difficult.

Watched the Weather Channel?
No weather channel here

Had a manicure?
yes, and the girl who did it put clear varnish on my toenails.  I had the devil of a job trying to remove it.

Made mashed potatoes?

Written your phone number on a napkin?

Been to the circus?
yes, When young.


  1. Malcolm,
    I like your more complete answers. Fun. btw, i wrote a comment on your blog yesterday, i think, but couldn't pass the vision test to post and gave up. I'll try again here and hope it works.

  2. Hi Malcolm, I agree the longer answers are better than the yes no thing.

  3. Hi Malcolm,
    I'm just testing to see if I have to pass the robot test to post this.

  4. Nope, no test. You have fixed it, thanks!

  5. I love that you've started posting again - some of your answers made me laugh


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