Behave or be punished: choose, please

Mankind is under many illusions: you have only to consider the state of society throughout the world to see that. If we all saw truly, would the world not seem a better place? That is why I think it is good for us to consider what actually are we doing and thinking wrong. 

Mouse, for whom I have great respect, devoted half of a blog post to her careful response to my question/comment about free will. She clings to the idea that we have free will, as do the vast majority of humans I believe. I made that comment on her blog post because she, along with many other submissive women, is having the experience of forgoing her “right to choose” to a considerable extent, and that practice seems to me to be a kind of preparation for a much more radical abandonment of the power of choice. Actually no one is abandoning anything, since it is not something anyone has in the first place. 

 It’s certainly true that the vast majority can be wrong, and I think that is the case here. The problem of free will has been debated by philosophers for a very long time. I cannot see any way to prove that we have any power of choice over what we do. We can assert that we could have done otherwise than what we actually did, but assertion does not amount to proof. If you go out for dinner, there is no way you can show convincingly that you could have chosen not to go out for dinner at the time you thought you were making the choice. Free will, I believe, is simply an erroneous habit of thought. 

Not only do Zen Buddhists say “Events happen; deeds are done; but there is no doer thereof”; now neuroscientists are coming up with evidence to support this. Here is a link to some interesting and relevant research.  Our brains apparently show indications of what we are about to "choose" some measurable time before we are aware of choosing.

In addition, many who have had the experience of realising that what they had thought was their personality is simply an illusion say that life “just happens”, the “person” does nothing, because, in fact, the “person” does not exist. There is no person there to be a doer. There’s just a body-mind organism. If we do not even do stuff, much less can we decide what to do! 

However:  

     It does seem that thoughts have some effect.  Kant thought that reason could not be completely trusted, and I feel that he was right.  I think it is worth considering the scenario sketched out by Vadim Zeland in "Reality Transurfing".  He postulates a region where everything is possible and suggests that we are running on a track in that region determined by our thoughts, and by our thoughts we can change that track gradually towards a future we think we would prefer. 

The situation now becomes murky.  If there is no person, then who is thinking?  Where do these thoughts belong?  How do they appear?  And in the phrase "we would prefer", who is this "we"?  Do thoughts, like the rest of life, "simply happen?"  The universe is very mysterious.  

Time is running short for writing this post and I am going to stop there.

Why am I so interested in blogs written by submissive women?

I an trying to understand my self and my marriage here, that's all.  Anyone is welcome to add their comments.

I find some of the blogs written by submissive women fascinating.    To me, those women have exceedingly attractive qualities. My wife has elements of submission:  she asks what to do in many  workaday situations; she consents to my spanking her whenever I wish,  though she does not like it; she tells me where she is going, and if I ask, her purpose; she agrees to certain rules, such as no internet use before lunch; she asks what I would like in any situation, if it's not already known.  In the twenty years we have been married, she has never refused sex, though occasionally has not been very co-operative.    She does have two bad habits:  collecting clutter and neglecting necessary housework; but she doesn't smoke, use bad language, spend money unthinkingly, or indulge expensive tastes.  She has very useful healing gifts with which she can relieve the aches and pains of her friends and relatives. 

Yet, somehow ...  something seems missing.  There's no passion, and she doesn't seem to want any.


She does not submit with her thoughts.  Her heart does not belong to me. If I ask her what she is thinking (something I seldom do)  I will not get a credible answer.  She is very secretive with her mind.  If she seems to be having difficult thoughts or feelings, she will never volunteer them to me. If I try to have a conversation about something, I will be doing 99% of the talking.  I can wait for a long time for some input from her.  Yet if she gets on the phone with a friend, she can talk almost non-stop for 45 minutes, and the friend may not be getting many words in edgeways.


Another blogger has recently quoted this poem by Paelus, found on the-iron-gate.com:


Surrender 

Trust Me with your heart.
Place it in My hands,
To crush or caress.
Trust that I will not hurt you.
Give it to Me because you desire Me to possess it,
Not because it is My will.

Trust Me with your mind.
Place it in My hands, also,
To destroy or reshape.
Trust Me to mold it according to your needs
Not simply to suit My own purposes.

Trust Me with your body.
It too, place in My hands.
Mine, to batter or protect.
Trust Me to keep you safe
And to provide for you that which is needed
to ensure your happiness.

Trust Me with your very soul.
Place it in My hands, as well.
Lay it bare before Me, vulnerable to My will.
Trust that I will guide you safely through the darkness
protecting your interests at all times,
regardless of My desires.

Above all, trust Me with your complete and total surrender.
Trust that I will honor and cherish
your submission to Me
Trust that I will not abuse this gift
That you so lovingly give to Me.


I appreciate that this may appeal to some, but it's not something I need.  If a woman asked to give me that degree of submission, I believe, if I liked her sufficiently and circumstances allowed, I would accept and do my best to fulfil the responsibility.  But I prefer to watch and encourage people to grow in their own ways, not in some way that I have decided.  I dislike giving people instructions more than once, and I certainly will not give instructions to do things which have no practical purpose, such that I often read about on some of these blogs.  I don't like calling someone to account for sins of commission or omission.  BDSM  rôle play has very little attraction for me (I have tried it with my wife), only real-life, actual genuine situations and requirements interest me.


Well, that's all for the moment.  I may continue this theme, especially if someone adds an insightful, relevant comment.