My second wife divorced me in 1990 because of my infidelity. The whole process was extraordinarily easy, quick, painless and cheap, and I interpreted that as a good sign. We had been together about twenty-five years, since she was nineteen and I was thirty-three, but we were never a very good match sexually, and I sought other women and couples. She was straight and I was kinky and as all readers here know, those characteristics do not blend well. I had formed a relationship with a couple of whom the wife liked to be spanked, the husband was inexperienced and I had ideas and some experience, they sought my co-operative help, and my wife did not like that.
However, she helped me valiantly in bringing up my two children from my first marriage, and she and I had two lovely children of our own together. In many ways we were happy with each other.
She was and is industrious, sensible, absolutely trustworthy with money and everything else. After we were divorced she found separate accommodation and we remained good friends, helping each other whenever possible. She was never one to be shy with men, and soon found new relationships, one of which lasted for seven years or so and when he died he left her his good house and furniture, so that was very helpful to her.
One summer three years after I married Rose here in this tropical country I took her to England to show her my old country, and we visited my ex and her then current man (a retired mining engineer) in his house. He was friendly, he possessed a good piano and my ex and I were able to sing a couple of our favourite songs together while I was there. He died in 2001, collapsed while playing a round of golf. Later she found another man and was with him for a number of years, I don't know what happened to him but he is not in the picture now.
My ex has always been a somewhat religious person, a long time Quaker, but after her man's death became a "lay reader" in a local Protestant church. Following that she became ordained and now takes services in that same church - a very old and historic one. Last year she met yet another man and decided to get married. She was married in March this year in her own church at the age of 68, her husband being 87. She sent me photos and they are a good looking couple, the church was almost full for their wedding. Her marriage doesn't seem to have affected her attitude to me. She has her own house and her everyday life is, I understand, not all that different from what it was before her marriage. She tells me she never expected to have so many relationships, but that's just how things have turned out.
I felt pleased for them though conscious of yet further separation from her - in a certain sense. More isolated. I still have a joint bank account with her, for practical reasons. She is quite likely to be widowed yet again, but of course that's no barrier to getting married if you have no young children to care for. Enjoy life while you can!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
Death of a Friend
There is sadness in my household these days. Many tears are being shed. First, my piano.
I have had this piano for thirty-five years. It was made by Chappell and Co, a London company of good repute, in 1906 and has been my faithful friend for many years. But in this country, termites and humidity attack pianos, eating the wood from inside, rusting the metal parts and causing the glue to fail.
I reluctantly decided to scrap it, and began to dismantle it. After removing the keyboard lid, front panels and action, I removed the keys, which were themselves falling apart. Then I removed the strings and wrest pins.
After some correspondence with an old friend in England, I began to wonder if restoring it was a possibility. That would give me something to do for a year or two and perhaps result in a playable instrument. But then it would be starting to disintegrate as soon as I had finished, and since no-one else here is interested in playing it, and I no longer play well, it would really be pointless.
I stood close to my old piano and said to it, "My old faithful friend, I am afraid I shall have to dismantle you completely and dispose of the remains". I seemed to hear from inside, its reply: "Yeeess" in quiet, hollow tones. The soul of this good instrument was going to be released into wherever the souls of old pianos go - oblivion, I guess. I know that well-loved and well used objects retain around them, or in them, impressions of those who have loved and used them, which can be sensed by certain people. Perhaps those impressions constitute the soul?
So I proceeded with the work of destruction. It became ever clearer that restoration would have been impossible - the whole carcass was partially hollowed out by termites, and every glue joint could simply be pulled apart with the fingers.The very heavy cast iron frame I could not lift on my own, and with help we got it off and put it aside. I am giving the rest to a neighbour for firewood. The scrap metal will buy shoes for Claude and more.
Alas!
I remember the joys of accompanying my second wife in songs - Schubert, Schumann, Elizabethan love songs were our favourites. My present wife has no interest in playing, singing or listening to such music. Before I married her she told me she could read music, but that was a lie, though she is usually truthfull in practical matters. I find it hard to get past that lie, long ago though the saying of it was. I did mention my disquiet over it once, but she tried to defend it - she never apologises for personal failings of that kind.
I have had this piano for thirty-five years. It was made by Chappell and Co, a London company of good repute, in 1906 and has been my faithful friend for many years. But in this country, termites and humidity attack pianos, eating the wood from inside, rusting the metal parts and causing the glue to fail.
I reluctantly decided to scrap it, and began to dismantle it. After removing the keyboard lid, front panels and action, I removed the keys, which were themselves falling apart. Then I removed the strings and wrest pins.
After some correspondence with an old friend in England, I began to wonder if restoring it was a possibility. That would give me something to do for a year or two and perhaps result in a playable instrument. But then it would be starting to disintegrate as soon as I had finished, and since no-one else here is interested in playing it, and I no longer play well, it would really be pointless.
I stood close to my old piano and said to it, "My old faithful friend, I am afraid I shall have to dismantle you completely and dispose of the remains". I seemed to hear from inside, its reply: "Yeeess" in quiet, hollow tones. The soul of this good instrument was going to be released into wherever the souls of old pianos go - oblivion, I guess. I know that well-loved and well used objects retain around them, or in them, impressions of those who have loved and used them, which can be sensed by certain people. Perhaps those impressions constitute the soul?
So I proceeded with the work of destruction. It became ever clearer that restoration would have been impossible - the whole carcass was partially hollowed out by termites, and every glue joint could simply be pulled apart with the fingers.The very heavy cast iron frame I could not lift on my own, and with help we got it off and put it aside. I am giving the rest to a neighbour for firewood. The scrap metal will buy shoes for Claude and more.
Alas!
I remember the joys of accompanying my second wife in songs - Schubert, Schumann, Elizabethan love songs were our favourites. My present wife has no interest in playing, singing or listening to such music. Before I married her she told me she could read music, but that was a lie, though she is usually truthfull in practical matters. I find it hard to get past that lie, long ago though the saying of it was. I did mention my disquiet over it once, but she tried to defend it - she never apologises for personal failings of that kind.
Thursday, May 02, 2013
Mind-Boggling
From the Washington Post May 1 2013
BURKESVILLE, Ky. — In southern Kentucky, where some children get their first guns even before they start first grade, Stephanie Sparks was cleaning the kitchen as her 5-year-old son played with the small rifle he was given last year. Then, as she stepped onto the front porch, “she heard the gun go off,” a coroner said.
In a horrific accident Tuesday that shocked a rural area far removed from the national debate over gun control, her son, Kristian, had fatally shot his 2-year-old sister, Caroline, in the chest, authorities said.
Kristian’s rifle was kept in a corner of the mobile home, and the family didn’t realize a bullet had been left in it, Cumberland County Coroner Gary White said.
“Down in Kentucky where we’re from, you know, guns are passed down from generation to generation,” White said. “You start at a young age with guns for hunting and everything.”
What is more unusual than a child having a gun, he said, is “that a kid would get shot with it.”
In this case, the rifle was made by a company that sells guns specifically for children — “My first rifle” is the slogan — in colors ranging from plain brown to hot pink to orange to royal blue to multi-color swirls.
“It’s a normal way of life, and it’s not just rural Kentucky, it’s rural America — hunting and shooting and sport fishing. It starts at an early age,” said Cumberland County Judge Executive John Phelps. “There’s probably not a household in this county that doesn’t have a gun.”
In Cumberland County, as elsewhere in Kentucky, local newspapers feature photos of children proudly displaying their kills, including turkey and deer.
Phelps, who is much like a mayor in these parts, said it had been four or five years since there had been a shooting death in the county, which lies along the Cumberland River near the Tennessee state line.
“The whole town is heartbroken,” Phelps said of Burkesville, a farming community of 1,800 about 90 miles northeast of Nashville, Tenn. “This was a total shock. This was totally unexpected.”
Phelps said he knew the family well. He said the father, Chris Sparks, works as a logger at a mill and also shoes horses.
The family lives in a gray mobile home on a long, winding road, surrounded by rolling hills and farmland that’s been in the family since the 1930s. Toys, including a small truck and a basketball goal, were on the front porch, but no one was home Wednesday.
There’s a house across the street, but the next closest neighbor lives over a hill.
Family friend Logan Wells said he received a frantic call telling him that the little girl was in an accident and to come quickly.
When he got to the hospital, Caroline was already dead. “She passed just when I got there,” Wells said.
White said the shooting had been ruled accidental, though a police spokesman said it was unclear whether any charges will be filed.
“I think it’s too early to say whether there will or won’t be,” Trooper Billy Gregory said.
White said the boy received the .22-caliber rifle as a gift, but it wasn’t clear who gave him the gun, which is known as a Crickett.
“It’s a little rifle for a kid. ... The little boy’s used to shooting the little gun,” White said.
The company that makes the rifle, Milton, Pa.-based Keystone Sporting Arms, has a “Kids Corner” on its website with pictures of young boys and girls at shooting ranges and on bird and deer hunts. It says the company produced 60,000 Crickett and Chipmunk rifles for kids in 2008. The smaller rifles are sold with a mount to use at a shooting range.
Keystone also makes guns for adults, but most of its products are geared toward children, including books and bright orange vests and hats.
“The goal of KSA is to instill gun safety in the minds of youth shooters and encourage them to gain the knowledge and respect that hunting and shooting activities require and deserve,” the website said.
No one at the company answered the phone Wednesday.
According to the website, company founders Bill McNeal and his son Steve McNeal decided to make guns for young shooters in the mid-1990s and opened Keystone in 1996 with just four employees, producing 4,000 rifles that year. It now employs about 70 people.
It also has a long list of testimonials from parents who talk about how grateful they are to be able to go shooting with their children.
Sharon Rengers, a longtime child advocate at Kosair Children’s Hospital in Louisville, said making and marketing weapons specifically for children was “mind-boggling.”
“It’s like, oh, my God,” she said, “we’re having a big national debate whether we want to check somebody’s background, but we’re going to offer a 4-year-old a gun and expect something good from that?”
___
Associated Press writer Janet Cappiello in Louisville contributed to this report.
Copyright 2013 The Associated Press.
I sometimes think there must be whole swaths of the world where "responsible" people actually possess very little commonsense.
BURKESVILLE, Ky. — In southern Kentucky, where some children get their first guns even before they start first grade, Stephanie Sparks was cleaning the kitchen as her 5-year-old son played with the small rifle he was given last year. Then, as she stepped onto the front porch, “she heard the gun go off,” a coroner said.
In a horrific accident Tuesday that shocked a rural area far removed from the national debate over gun control, her son, Kristian, had fatally shot his 2-year-old sister, Caroline, in the chest, authorities said.
Kristian’s rifle was kept in a corner of the mobile home, and the family didn’t realize a bullet had been left in it, Cumberland County Coroner Gary White said.
“Down in Kentucky where we’re from, you know, guns are passed down from generation to generation,” White said. “You start at a young age with guns for hunting and everything.”
What is more unusual than a child having a gun, he said, is “that a kid would get shot with it.”
In this case, the rifle was made by a company that sells guns specifically for children — “My first rifle” is the slogan — in colors ranging from plain brown to hot pink to orange to royal blue to multi-color swirls.
“It’s a normal way of life, and it’s not just rural Kentucky, it’s rural America — hunting and shooting and sport fishing. It starts at an early age,” said Cumberland County Judge Executive John Phelps. “There’s probably not a household in this county that doesn’t have a gun.”
In Cumberland County, as elsewhere in Kentucky, local newspapers feature photos of children proudly displaying their kills, including turkey and deer.
Phelps, who is much like a mayor in these parts, said it had been four or five years since there had been a shooting death in the county, which lies along the Cumberland River near the Tennessee state line.
“The whole town is heartbroken,” Phelps said of Burkesville, a farming community of 1,800 about 90 miles northeast of Nashville, Tenn. “This was a total shock. This was totally unexpected.”
Phelps said he knew the family well. He said the father, Chris Sparks, works as a logger at a mill and also shoes horses.
The family lives in a gray mobile home on a long, winding road, surrounded by rolling hills and farmland that’s been in the family since the 1930s. Toys, including a small truck and a basketball goal, were on the front porch, but no one was home Wednesday.
There’s a house across the street, but the next closest neighbor lives over a hill.
Family friend Logan Wells said he received a frantic call telling him that the little girl was in an accident and to come quickly.
When he got to the hospital, Caroline was already dead. “She passed just when I got there,” Wells said.
White said the shooting had been ruled accidental, though a police spokesman said it was unclear whether any charges will be filed.
“I think it’s too early to say whether there will or won’t be,” Trooper Billy Gregory said.
White said the boy received the .22-caliber rifle as a gift, but it wasn’t clear who gave him the gun, which is known as a Crickett.
“It’s a little rifle for a kid. ... The little boy’s used to shooting the little gun,” White said.
The company that makes the rifle, Milton, Pa.-based Keystone Sporting Arms, has a “Kids Corner” on its website with pictures of young boys and girls at shooting ranges and on bird and deer hunts. It says the company produced 60,000 Crickett and Chipmunk rifles for kids in 2008. The smaller rifles are sold with a mount to use at a shooting range.
Keystone also makes guns for adults, but most of its products are geared toward children, including books and bright orange vests and hats.
“The goal of KSA is to instill gun safety in the minds of youth shooters and encourage them to gain the knowledge and respect that hunting and shooting activities require and deserve,” the website said.
No one at the company answered the phone Wednesday.
According to the website, company founders Bill McNeal and his son Steve McNeal decided to make guns for young shooters in the mid-1990s and opened Keystone in 1996 with just four employees, producing 4,000 rifles that year. It now employs about 70 people.
It also has a long list of testimonials from parents who talk about how grateful they are to be able to go shooting with their children.
Sharon Rengers, a longtime child advocate at Kosair Children’s Hospital in Louisville, said making and marketing weapons specifically for children was “mind-boggling.”
“It’s like, oh, my God,” she said, “we’re having a big national debate whether we want to check somebody’s background, but we’re going to offer a 4-year-old a gun and expect something good from that?”
___
Associated Press writer Janet Cappiello in Louisville contributed to this report.
Copyright 2013 The Associated Press.
I sometimes think there must be whole swaths of the world where "responsible" people actually possess very little commonsense.
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