I an trying to understand my self and my marriage here, that's all. Anyone is welcome to add their comments.
I find some of the blogs written by submissive women fascinating. To me, those women have exceedingly attractive qualities. My wife has elements of submission: she asks what to do in many workaday situations; she consents to my spanking her whenever I wish, though she does not like it; she tells me where she is going, and if I ask, her purpose; she agrees to certain rules, such as no internet use before lunch; she asks what I would like in any situation, if it's not already known. In the twenty years we have been married, she has never refused sex, though occasionally has not been very co-operative. She does have two bad habits: collecting clutter and neglecting necessary housework; but she doesn't smoke, use bad language, spend money unthinkingly, or indulge expensive tastes. She has very useful healing gifts with which she can relieve the aches and pains of her friends and relatives.
Yet, somehow ... something seems missing. There's no passion, and she doesn't seem to want any.
She does not submit with her thoughts. Her heart does not belong to me. If I ask her what she is thinking (something I seldom do) I will not get a credible answer. She is very secretive with her mind. If she seems to be having difficult thoughts or feelings, she will never volunteer them to me. If I try to have a conversation about something, I will be doing 99% of the talking. I can wait for a long time for some input from her. Yet if she gets on the phone with a friend, she can talk almost non-stop for 45 minutes, and the friend may not be getting many words in edgeways.
Another blogger has recently quoted this poem by Paelus, found on the-iron-gate.com:
Trust Me with your heart.
Place it in My hands,
To crush or caress.
Trust that I will not hurt you.
Give it to Me because you desire Me to possess it,
Not because it is My will.
Trust Me with your mind.
Place it in My hands, also,
To destroy or reshape.
Trust Me to mold it according to your needs
Not simply to suit My own purposes.
Trust Me with your body.
It too, place in My hands.
Mine, to batter or protect.
Trust Me to keep you safe
And to provide for you that which is needed
to ensure your happiness.
Trust Me with your very soul.
Place it in My hands, as well.
Lay it bare before Me, vulnerable to My will.
Trust that I will guide you safely through the darkness
protecting your interests at all times,
regardless of My desires.
Above all, trust Me with your complete and total surrender.
Trust that I will honor and cherish
your submission to Me
Trust that I will not abuse this gift
That you so lovingly give to Me.
I appreciate that this may appeal to some, but it's not something I need. If a woman asked to give me that degree of submission, I believe, if I liked her sufficiently and circumstances allowed, I would accept and do my best to fulfil the responsibility. But I prefer to watch and encourage people to grow in their own ways, not in some way that I have decided. I dislike giving people instructions more than once, and I certainly will not give instructions to do things which have no practical purpose, such that I often read about on some of these blogs. I don't like calling someone to account for sins of commission or omission. BDSM rôle play has very little attraction for me (I have tried it with my wife), only real-life, actual genuine situations and requirements interest me.
Well, that's all for the moment. I may continue this theme, especially if someone adds an insightful, relevant comment.
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